Meet Cathy Mott - Emotional Intelligence Expert

[Transcript]

[00:00:00] Welcome to the finding gravitas podcast brought to you by gravitas Detroit, looking to become a more authentic leader. Finding gravitas is the podcast for you. Gravitas is the ultimate leadership quality that draws people in it's an irresistible force, encompassing all the traits of authentic leadership, junior podcast, host Jan Griffis, that passionate rebellious farmer's daughter from Wales.

[00:00:32] Entrepreneur leadership coach keynote speaker, one of the top 100 leading women in the automotive industry as she interviews some of the finest leadership minds in the quest for gravitas

[00:00:53] Jan: [00:00:53] last week. I recorded an episode especial episode. It was focused [00:01:00] on leading through crisis, recognizing what was happening in the world. I wanted to go off my normal structure and cadence and provide the audience was something that they desperately needed at the time, which was insights and perhaps some guidance and comfort around.

[00:01:18] What it takes to lead through a crisis. And I thought you've got this. This is going to be easy. I've led several organizations through crisis situations. I know how to keep a team positive, how important it is to have a schedule, how important it is to have a routine to get up in the morning, to work out.

[00:01:38] I've even got lots of lessons learned to share about working from home. So I felt good about pushing that episode out. Last weekend. We had some positive feedback. Then Monday morning came and I got up and I did what I tell everybody not to do. [00:02:00] I hit the snooze, at least three or four times that energy, the mojo, whatever you want to call it, let zest for life had simply gone.

[00:02:12] I didn't quite know what was happening. And I thought, well, It's a change. There's a lot going on in the world right now. It's okay. Give yourself a break from Monday, then Tuesday came and I did the same thing again, and I started to get mad at myself. How could I stand up on stage and talk to people about how important it is to start your day and how important it is to have a schedule?

[00:02:39] And I couldn't do it. This was a strange, very unsettling feeling. I started spending more and more time in front of the TV, gripped with fear and anxiety. As I watched what was happening around the world, I felt those feelings of isolation. Couldn't go to the co-working [00:03:00] space. Couldn't meet with clients.

[00:03:01] Couldn't do what I normally did. And then. Later in the week I had to do something that tore me apart. I had to tell my teenage daughter that she couldn't see her boyfriend and deal with that trauma. I don't want any human beings anywhere near me. I'm afraid I am. I'll be the first to admit it of the risk of the Corona virus coming into my home, all of these feelings going on in my head making me feel scared.

[00:03:36] And they were often times of anger and then I was very emotional. And then I realized. I was going through the grief cycle. I was grieving the loss of my world as I once knew it. And once I recognized it, I started to feel much better. So I reached out across the pond to my partners in [00:04:00] Berlin. And we scheduled a zoom call to get people together, to talk about leading through the crisis and let's start to share the feelings and emotions and what have we learned.

[00:04:13] And, and what about this working from home in this new routine? How do we make that happen? But before we can do any of that, we have to learn to deal with this ourselves. And it took me a lot longer. To get with the program than I had originally anticipated. And I suspect that many of you out there are going through the same situation.

[00:04:36] So I wanted to reach out to somebody who understood this and understood the elements of emotional intelligence. Because when we wake up on Monday morning, And we're recording this on Saturday, March 21st. When we wake up on Monday, the realization that [00:05:00] perhaps some of the fun and the excitement and the funny stories that we had, and maybe share it on social media last week, it was kind of a fun thing to do.

[00:05:11] All of that is now our reality. It's not just a week of adjustment and now we're back to normal. We're not, we're all getting used to this new norm. And we are going to have to draw on the elements of emotional intelligence to lead our teams and businesses more so now than ever before. I am still a firm believer that this will be the most rewarding leadership experience that any of us has ever gone through.

[00:05:43] I just know it, but we're going to need help and I myself need help getting through this. So I am thrilled today to bring onto the show. To share her insights. Kathy mot, [00:06:00] Kathy is an author and executive coach, a keynote speaker, a facilitator, and a trainer who has worked with senior leaders for more than 25 years.

[00:06:13] She has a talent for helping others discover their natural gifts and talents. But what I love about Kathy is that her. Area of expertise is emotional intelligence. She's a certified social and emotional intelligence coach. So when I talk about emotional intelligence, I understand some of the basics, but she's got this and she's been doing it for many, many years.

[00:06:41] She's worked with many reputable companies, such as Mercedes-Benz financial, Michigan state university, Trinity health, Ascension health, the Michigan league of public policy, the Kresge foundation to name, but a few. So she understands [00:07:00] this subject better than most, and she's also a lot of fun and she has a great personality.

[00:07:05] And if you haven't, I read her book recently, she has just released a book called just listen. Great things happen in the silence. Perfect timing. Don't you think she's also published an article? In the CEO magazine in the February 20, 20 edition, authentic leadership. What makes it real? She's the perfect guest for us to have on the show right now, at this time, we need her expertise more than ever before.

[00:07:36] Kathy. Welcome to the show.

[00:07:39] Cathy: [00:07:39] Thank you, Jan. Thank you. How

[00:07:40] Jan: [00:07:40] are you? I am doing much better now that I have called myself out and realized what I was going through last week. So I shared my story about what I was going through last week. Could you give me your take, I mean, analyze for me and for [00:08:00] the listeners, what happened to me last week?

[00:08:03] Cathy: [00:08:03] Well, Jan, you were actually going through the grief cycle and I love that we're here together talking today because part of this emotional roller coaster that we ride, I often talk about and helping organizations move through cultural changes. And so when we think about the global changes that we have had over the past few weeks, Definitely.

[00:08:28] We are all riding this emotional roller coaster, but some may not be able to articulate it or even recognize the phases of the roller coaster that they're writing. And so it's interesting to note them, whenever we go through a change, we have suffered a loss. So we've lost something. So in organizations, prior to Corona virus, it can be a change in your schedule, a change in leadership, you've lost something [00:09:00] and it's okay to take a moment to sit with yourself, to figure out what is it that I've lost.

[00:09:06] And so the grief process that people go through when we experience change is very similar to the grief process. We go through when we lose someone in death and people will readily recognize that they give us, uh, they show us kindness and compassion when we lose someone in death, because they recognize that we're grieving.

[00:09:30] So thinking about where we are today, the global. Pandemic that we're facing the coronavirus. Wouldn't it be safe to say that we all need kindness and compassion as we go through the grief process. And as you mentioned, Jan, in your intro, some of the emotions that you experienced last week are the same emotions that are tied to when we're grieving the loss of the loved one.

[00:09:58] And those emotions are shocked. [00:10:00] Denial, fear. Anxiety, anger, frustration and confusion. Who of us have not experienced all of those emotions in the past couple of weeks. And it's okay to give ourselves the time, the space and permission. To work through those emotions. They're heavy emotions

[00:10:35] Jan: [00:10:35] actually, for me to hear you say that, I feel like you've, you've just given me permission to go through what I went through this past week.

[00:10:42] And I was really hard on myself. Because I am that person. I mean, I get up at four 30 in the morning. I go to the gym at 5:00 AM. You know, I spend time with myself. I do a little sort of meditation thing in the morning, you know, and, and, and I, I'm so proud of this routine that I have, I've put [00:11:00] together in the structure that I have in my life.

[00:11:02] And I was so mad at myself last week that I simply couldn't make it. Happen. So what's that sort of judgment of yourself. You, you know, help us get through that. How do we get through some

[00:11:15] Cathy: [00:11:15] of that? So I will share a little bit about emotional intelligence and how we can let go of the judgment and validate what we feel.

[00:11:25] So the four components of emotional intelligence, it's the self-awareness self-management. And then awareness of others and then managing the social setting that we're in. So let's take the self-awareness piece. So aware of what you're going through, being able to name the emotion that you're experiencing in the moment, and being able to validate that emotion.

[00:11:51] Once we can validate and give ourselves permission to feel that particular emotion, then we can [00:12:00] respond to it instead of react. And once we validate any emotion, the intensity of it lessons, and from there, we can make productive decisions. So if we talk about fear, being able to validate that emotion, we can say, what am I afraid of?

[00:12:19] Okay. I'm afraid that my life has changed for quite some time. I don't know how long. Okay. The validation is. You have every reason to feel that way. And for all that know me, I will always recommend journaling. On your feelings because it's an Avenue to take what you're feeling out of your head, process it, move it through your heart and put it on paper.

[00:12:45] And I've even recommended that journaling our daily activities around emotions for this entire time period. What a gift that will be to ourselves to go back and read. Once we're through [00:13:00] this, go back and read the emotional journey that we've come through. What a gift to ourselves. So giving ourselves permission and then validating what we feel.

[00:13:11] And I think one of the most important things to remember about our emotions, they're not good or bad, they just are. They come to us, unbidden they give us information about ourselves. They can, um, give us permission to take care of ourselves, to tune in to what we need to experience around the particular emotions that we're having.

[00:13:34] So validating that is giving yourself permission to feel it.

[00:13:38] Jan: [00:13:38] And I think that this is one of the things that I talked about in the podcast last week. It's so important for leaders right now to do that with their teams, because everybody's going to respond to this in a different way. Right. So going through and really not only having the team meeting.

[00:13:56] To acknowledge and validate the, the emotions in the [00:14:00] rollercoaster that we're all going through. But also to do that on an individual level with one-on-one virtual calls, you know, video calls to be able to connect with people one-on-one because now the next step for the leader is to help provide some sort of comfort and safety.

[00:14:17] Is that fair to say?

[00:14:18] Cathy: [00:14:18] Yes, it is. And to be able to successfully authentically do that, you have to have had a space where you've provided comfort and safety for yourself.

[00:14:30] Jan: [00:14:30] Yes. Because clearly I didn't do that at last week. Yeah.

[00:14:33] Cathy: [00:14:33] Yeah. And that is so important. And when you're getting to the team together, let's say on a zoom call and it's okay.

[00:14:42] To create that space, to check in, to see how they're feeling. And as a leader, being very in tune to responses and actively listening. Because a lot of times we'll ask people, I want to start this meeting off and give us a few minutes to talk about how we're [00:15:00] feeling around what's going on with the Corona virus.

[00:15:04] And some people will say, well, I think this will be over in a short period of time. And so that tends to make all of the other people who had an emotion around it, who wanted to express fear that may shut them down. Oh yeah. So true. Yes. So a great leader could say, I appreciate your thoughts, but tell me, what are you experiencing?

[00:15:30] How are you feeling about what's taking place today? Because I want to support this team moving forward. Yeah.

[00:15:37] Jan: [00:15:37] That's that is, that is great advice. I mean, honestly, I'd have the tendency to say you're in denial, get over it. That would be the best approach to that point in time, but that's okay. You know, I mean, everybody's got, everybody's going to have a different, different response, but, but you're right.

[00:15:56] Somebody comes out with that right away. The hold, the rest of the team's going to shut down. [00:16:00] And that's why I think it's so important for not for leaders to have the team session. But also to have that one-on-one session, so you can get, you can get in deep, you know, most of my background's in the automotive industry and manufacturing, and it's a very sort of, you know, aggressive, tough kind of environment.

[00:16:18] And there's this tendency for. Yeah, no, not all companies, of course, but for the leader to say, Hey, you know, we're going to get through this. It's all gonna be fine. We're just going to muscle down. You know, we're going to do this and we're going to work through all the customer shutdown situations have got to manage cash.

[00:16:33] Right. And we're going to muscle through it. Not so sure that that's the, you know, that's not. The approach I take right now, given this situation. So what advice would you give to those leaders who have a tendency to move even more into command and control type of positional power, kind of leadership?

[00:16:53] Cathy: [00:16:53] My advice would be for them to step back and really understand that people need a space, a [00:17:00] safe space to be able to share how they're feeling about all that is going on.

[00:17:05] It seems like every day we are experiencing different changes at such a rapid pace. So really create a safe space for them to be able to say how they're feeling and authentic leadership would. Include the leader opening up and being honest and vulnerable about how they have experienced the changes just as you opened the podcast this morning, you know, saying that I have a rigorous, a routine that I normally keep.

[00:17:37] Two every morning. And I didn't do that this week. I went through a grief process and it's okay. You know, I will, um, think about six years ago, I lost my mom to lung cancer, a 15 month battle. And I journaled, so I've been journaling for 20 years. I journaled every day, what that process was like and how I [00:18:00] miss her.

[00:18:00] And. I look back and I say, I made it through that. And so many things that I have done in my business are a result of losing my mom in death. And what I found during that time was I wanted to talk about my grief, but I couldn't find people to hold the space for me to openly. Discuss how I was feeling. I even had one person ask me, how are you feeling today?

[00:18:29] And I told her, I'm sad. I miss my mom. And her response was who says that most people say they're okay. Even when they're not, I said, well, you asked me and I wanted to openly share. So it's so important that we as leaders be able to hold the space for people to openly talk about the grief process that many of us are in today.

[00:18:55] I think back to losing my mom, and this is a grief process, [00:19:00] but there was much more hurt pain and anguish to that grief process process of losing my mom. And so looking back, I know I'll make it through this. And that's the importance of journaling because you have something to refer back to to say, I made it through that, that I can definitely make it through this, but as leaders being vulnerable and being courageous enough to hold the space for others, even.

[00:19:31] When you feel uncomfortable around them sharing, just hold the space. You don't have to fix it. You just have to hold the space for them to express themselves. I

[00:19:43] Jan: [00:19:43] love the way you say that. Hold the space. There's leaders out there right now. Some of them possibly listening to the podcast. Although I doubt it cause they probably wouldn't be in my audience, but there's some, there's some tough leaders out there right now saying, Oh, I'm not a counselor.

[00:19:58] You know, people just need to deal with that [00:20:00] stuff. That's HR stuff, that's soft stuff. Right. I just need him to run the business. Right. And this is absolutely. I keep harping on this point, right? This is not the time to be the tough guy. It is the time to connect at a deeply human level. And as you so eloquently said, give people the space to be able to express their feelings and emotions.

[00:20:24] You mentioned the word vulnerability and vulnerability. It gets a lot of attention these days. You know, we, many of us like the work of Brenae Brown.

[00:20:33] Cathy: [00:20:33] Yes. I love Renee Brown, the

[00:20:36] Jan: [00:20:36] vulnerability. And I think some people think that vulnerability is just something that, Oh, weak people do, you know, you just share how you're feeling and it's weak.

[00:20:44] And now isn't the time to show your vulnerability because you have to show strength. And I think that there's a very fine line and a balance right now that leaders. Have to have to show, they have to show their vulnerability, but they also have to show that they [00:21:00] can bring calm to the chaos that they have.

[00:21:03] They have a positive view and they can, will, they will see it. They see a way through this and they will get through this. So that's a balance. So what are your thoughts around, you know, how to keep that balance?

[00:21:15] Cathy: [00:21:15] Keeping that balance and being vulnerable and showing strength is, again, going back to authentic leadership, you know, thinking about the emotions that you, yourself, as a leader has experienced, and because you have experienced them, you can articulate them.

[00:21:31] You can talk about them and decide productive things that you can do with those emotions. You have an opportunity to respond to emotions instead of reacting. So when you're with your team, because you've done the work with yourself, then you can show that vulnerability and state. This is how I was feeling.

[00:21:52] I was afraid I was in denial. I was angry. And here are some of the things that I have done [00:22:00] to validate what I'm feeling and to do something productive with all of those emotions that I feel around what's happening in our world today. So the balance is showing the vulnerability, but also having something productive that you're going to do with your emotions, being able to intentionally to reflect.

[00:22:21] Bond to what you're feeling instead of reacting to what you're feeling and then creating that space for your team to do the same thing. And when the leader is vulnerable, they give other people permission to be vulnerable as well. When we show up as authentically human, we give other individuals the opportunity to show up authentically human as well.

[00:22:51] And

[00:22:51] Jan: [00:22:51] you're right, Kathy, but that's bloody hard to do. It just is. And particularly when you grow up in an environment where the [00:23:00] leadership model is, is tough, right? It's, it's more, more aggressive. There's this fear of looking weak. And I know this I've been through it. And I remember when I started my career early on, I was expected to be the tough leader.

[00:23:16] And even if you, even, if you felt afraid or you didn't know something, you didn't dish show it. Now it took me. Many many years to realize that that was not the way to lead. And that when you really brought out the human side, that you connected with people in a, in a much more, it's a different way, right?

[00:23:35] You connect with, we talk about hearts and minds of people. You really connect the hearts and minds of people. And it took me a long time. To get over the fear of looking weak and being able to lead at that deep, authentic level. Any thoughts to help people get through that learning curve faster? Because it took me, Oh, I don't know, probably a few decades to get there.

[00:24:00] [00:23:59] Cathy: [00:23:59] Absolutely. So I will say as an executive coach, the number one emotion that I coach executives through is fear. Around a lot of different things. Fear of, one of what you mentioned, fear of appearing to be weak. However, I go back to approaching this from a coach, like perspective, being able to sit with ourselves and ask coach like questions and the value of coach, like questions, those open-ended questions.

[00:24:31] What. How am I feeling? So when we inexperienced an emotion, the blood flow to his focus, to the back of the brain, when we ask ourselves what, how questions it refocuses. And since, uh, blood flow to the frontal cortex of the brain, where we can make more logical decisions and we can process our emotions. So when we go back to being vulnerable, [00:25:00] a leader can ask in journal.

[00:25:02] What am I afraid of around being vulnerable? So the response may be, I might appear weak. How much truth is in that is this, and how well is this fear of being vulnerable? How well is it serving my ability to be an authentic leadership? And during a time where people were mainly interact through zoom or via the internet, how much will showing up vulnerable and authentic lead to my team being connected.

[00:25:42] So really asking yourselves and writing them down because that process one thing that Bernay Brown says that I absolutely love. She says the quickest way to move formation from our head to our heart is through our hands. So taking a moment to [00:26:00] journal and write down, how are you feeling about this fear and working through the four quadrants of emotional intelligence?

[00:26:09] So, one thing that I've done, um, in, in my book is I write about 30 different emotions and I walked through the four stages of emotional intelligence for each emotion. So the questions are, how did I experience this emotion? What, how did I manage invalidate this emotion? How did I manage the social setting?

[00:26:35] What did I learn from this emotion? And then if I had it to do all over again, what would I do differently? And then I allowed the reader. Opportunity and a space to write about, when did you experience this emotion? How did you manage the emotion? How did you manage the social setting? What were the lessons learned?

[00:27:00] [00:26:59] And if you had a chance to do it all over again, How would you handle it? And so it has been very effective, but really creating that space, grabbing a journal, creating that space to work through. How are you feeling? And what's your fear about how are you feeling what's your anxiety about, and then giving yourself permission to feel those emotions and work through them and decide how are you going to deal with them productively.

[00:27:30] And then what are the lessons learned?

[00:27:32] Jan: [00:27:32] You know, as you're talking, um, all great advice. This really is an opportunity for personal growth. You know, I I've always looked at it as, this is the most rewarding leadership experience you could have going through this crisis, but it's also. An opportunity for tremendous personal growth.

[00:27:53] If it gives us a chance to sit back and think about, like you say, think about these emotions and how are we [00:28:00] feeling and how are we dealing with it so that when we come out of this, we're going to be more, more rounded. We're going to be better leaders of our own lives as well as of others.

[00:28:11] Cathy: [00:28:11] Yes, indeed. If we really.

[00:28:14] Create the time and the space to enhance the relationship we have with ourselves to be intentional about it, to really spend time with ourselves and make intentional decisions about how we want to show up. And I always say in any leadership development, training, or class that I'm facilitating, every person should have a regular professional and personal development program.

[00:28:40] And so whether that's a YouTube video every day or a book that you're reading, but every day, intentionally working on yourself to become a better leader. And I always say, regardless of the title we have in an organization, we are the leader of our own lives. And so [00:29:00] would you want to fall up under your leadership?

[00:29:03] So really thinking about what kind of leader do I want to be on a daily basis? And when this is said and done, and I look back, what do I want to be most proud of? And then intentionally lead that way every day?

[00:29:19] Jan: [00:29:19] Yeah. That's well said, let's talk about resilience. If there's a time that resilience needs to come into play.

[00:29:29] It's now. I

[00:29:31] Cathy: [00:29:31] agree. I agree wholeheartedly. So resilience is one of the competencies that falls under self-management. So the awareness piece is being able to be aware of what we are experiencing and then the self-management pieces. Okay, what do I want to do with these emotions? How do I want to respond?

[00:29:55] And so we have an opportunity to make an intentional [00:30:00] choice to be resilient. That means we're going to bounce back. So, whether that's being resilient every day in which it should be, because it's very difficult to wake up and you have to think twice about, do I leave the house today? I have an 89 year old father who lives alone and trying to keep him in the house, but trying to make sure that he gets proper nutrition.

[00:30:26] And then thinking about, you know, how does he get interaction? So being resilient. So I thought of some things I could do to maybe take him on a drive. My dad used to work for Motown, so we'll just drive downtown and listened to Motown music and not even get out of the car, but every day, thinking about how I can be resilient, how I can be a resilient leader in my life so that I can have a positive.

[00:30:51] Impact on others, but I can only do that. If I've taken care of my emotions around [00:31:00] anxiety, fear, denial, frustration, confusion, giving myself permission to be in that space journal about it, and then come up with a plan of how I'm going to manage and move through those emotions.

[00:31:16] Jan: [00:31:16] Yes. It comes back to taking care of yourself first.

[00:31:20] And I appreciate what you're saying about journaling. I can't do it. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's just not me. It's not my thing. I love the idea of it. And I know you're right in what you say. It's just, it's just not, it's just not my thing. But I deal with it in different ways, you know? And I think that the podcast is one way, you know, I like to talk through it with other people, you know, it's just, it's just a different medium that I, that I use as I, as I look back on last week.

[00:31:52] And I came out of it probably Friday, right. When I realized what was happening. And one of the things I did was I did some, I did something, [00:32:00] right. I did something positive and I did. I went for a run a couple of times during the week. And that of course helped. Right? Not at the time I normally run. I went later in the day.

[00:32:10] But I, I realized that I need to do something not only for myself, but to help others because I know other people are going through this. And that's when I reached out to my partners in Berlin and we had this call on Friday. To really get people together to talk about leading through the crisis. And I felt so much better after that.

[00:32:29] And I think people, the relief on their faces, right. That there was this forum where we could just talk about stuff and that really helped. Well, now I'm going to take it another step further and I've launched an accountability clinic. I have no idea what accountability clinic is. I'm making it up. We're going to figure it out on Monday and I'm launching it.

[00:32:50] And it's going to be at six 30 every morning, every weekday morning. So that people have something to call into. I mean, yes, we're going to have [00:33:00] meetings, right? You're going to have meetings throughout the day. But I know that when I got up on Friday and I knew I had that zoom call. And I knew I had to get ready for it.

[00:33:08] I had a much better day and it got my mind off of, you know, watching CNN is a desk counter on CNN. I mean, really? No, I do not need to be seeing that. Right. What's going on in the world. Of course we do, but we don't need to be just. Consumed totally consumed with the death counter on CNN. Right. So doing something productive and positive and to help others as well as yourself, that really helped me.

[00:33:40] And so I thought, okay, we're going to do this. And once I put it out there on the podcast and on social media, I'm kind of committed because my brand and my name and my business are all wrapped up in it. So it's done. I've already put the word out. I'm starting an accountability clinic. It's going to be 20 minutes.

[00:33:58] That's it it'll [00:34:00] be an inspirational message. And it will be, there'll be some dancing because I love to dance on stage. If a dance on stage, I can dance a virtually on zoom and we're going to share with everybody, anybody wants to talk about whether it's where they get Lysol wipes from or how weird it is that you're wiping your groceries down when they come in and you know, they come through the door from.

[00:34:20] Delivery place I've been doing that lately, you know, whatever it is, but we will all leave that call feeling that we got up at at a certain time, every day, we did something to get our heads in the right place. Then we can go on and take on the day. Whatever we want to do. So that's my intention and I'm going to run it every weekday until we're through this crisis.

[00:34:42] And that's my commitment to myself and others. So

[00:34:47] Cathy: [00:34:47] I absolutely love it. Like you have, have responded. So you were in your grief process and you're coming out of it. You're choosing to do something intentional. I absolutely love it. And here's the thing to [00:35:00] remember. Um, Even as we go through this process, it doesn't mean that we won't revisit that space of grief again, but at least you have something in place where you're holding yourself accountable.

[00:35:12] You're creating that space for others and you're helping people get their day off to a great start. I absolutely love it. Well,

[00:35:21] Jan: [00:35:21] thank you. I'm not sure. I want to hear that. What you just said that I could go back through this grief cycle, but, uh, it's. I mean it, yeah. Okay. It, it can happen, but like you said, earlier, cell phone awareness is such a key part of emotional intelligence and understanding what's happening and letting those feelings flow through you, but recognizing them, acknowledging them and giving them space.

[00:35:43] Yeah to be, but then moving through them and getting to this next point, which is doing something.

[00:35:52] Cathy: [00:35:52] And the nice part about it. Jan is you can look back at this whole process and say, I went through it. I came out of [00:36:00] it and here I am today. So you have that, the fact that you've experienced it and you came out of it with something productive.

[00:36:07] So it's okay to go back and forth. It's okay. We're human. We give ourselves permission to feel what we feel with no judgment, not even judging ourselves.

[00:36:18] Jan: [00:36:18] I'm not very good at that part. I'm very, very judgy. I'm not judgy when it comes to other people at all, but I'm very judgy when it comes to myself. Uh, but I'm, I'm getting better and it's when you reach out and do what we're doing today, which is I'm reaching out to talk to somebody who is truly an expert on the subject to help me understand what's going on.

[00:36:37] When you do something like that, then you're taking an action and it's helping you through the process.

[00:36:43] Cathy: [00:36:43] Absolutely. Absolutely. And I, myself am going through a grief process around this. So many things have changed. Um, but being able to, um, journal about it, create a space for myself and then come out of it.

[00:36:57] Um, but also not, not being [00:37:00] afraid that it will happen again. It's like, you know, it's six years since I've seen my mom in those six years. How many times have I been okay. And then like, Oh, I really miss her and then bounce back down. I'm okay. Then I really miss her. So the same thing, and we don't know how long this is going to last, but we can make a decision today to be resilient means we bounce back.

[00:37:23] We go into that process and then we bounce back and that's

[00:37:26] Jan: [00:37:26] okay. Yeah, you're right. We're all going to bounce back from this. We're all going to look back on it and yes, we need to be making podcasts and videos and journaling so that we can look back on it, share it with others and learn from it. I, I'm very excited now that I've got my head in the right place to help others through this.

[00:37:47] And it starts, you know, now really with this recording of this podcast and the call we had yesterday, uh, what. Closing words would you have for our listeners [00:38:00] as they face Monday morning, the reality is really going to hit hard that you know, really this last week was a bit of a trial run, right. People working from home for the first time.

[00:38:12] Um, what advice would you give them? Maybe waking up Monday morning with this reality of, okay, this is real and this isn't going to go away anytime soon.

[00:38:21] Cathy: [00:38:21] Hmm. So, uh, something that I have started, um, every Monday morning is I have, uh, what's called zoom into coffee with Kathy and Monday morning, I have a group that comes together and we set an intention.

[00:38:37] For the week. So what's your intention that you want to set for this week? How do you want to show up? What do you want to accomplish? How many people do you want to reach out to and help? So set a weekly intention in every day that you wake up, look forward to doing. Something that will fulfill that [00:39:00] intention that you've set for yourself on a weekly basis.

[00:39:03] The other thing I would like to encourage people to do is to check in with yourself, give yourself five minutes to check in and say to yourself, what am I thinking? And really close your eyes and think about what's going on. What am I thinking? And then the other piece of it is then scan your body and ask yourself, what am I physically feeling?

[00:39:25] And give yourself a couple of moments for that. And then the last one is, what am I feeling emotionally? So you're scanning the three domains. What am I thinking? What am I physically feeling? What am I emotionally feeling? Chances are wherever you feel your stress, or maybe some type of pain in the body, all emotions manifest themselves somewhere in the body.

[00:39:49] So give yourself time. In space to check in with yourself and then do some kind of self care around what you come up with after you've [00:40:00] checked in with yourself. So intention and self care would be my tidbit for starting Monday off and getting it off to a great start.

[00:40:10] Jan: [00:40:10] That's great advice, Cathy. It has been an absolute pleasure having you on the show.

[00:40:15] Um, perfect timing given the circumstances and the environment that we're in right now. Thank you, sir. And I would love to have you back when our normal programming resumed that we can go through and understand your full story and learn more about you. Would you be open to

[00:40:30] Cathy: [00:40:30] that? It would be my absolute pleasure to come back.

[00:40:33] I have so enjoyed this experience. Thank you. Okay.

[00:40:36] Jan: [00:40:36] Likewise. Thank you.

[00:40:42] Cathy: [00:40:42] If

[00:40:42] If you enjoyed listening to this podcast and you found something of value that will help you on your quest for your gravitas, then please share with your friends and colleagues and subscribe. Visit us@gravitasdetroit.com to find out more. [00:41:00] .